Just Another Night in Organization XIII
by ChronicLegCramp-Since'99
Summary: Everyone's favourite Nobodies play a game in order to decide who gets lumbered with the responsibility of buying the Superior's Christmas present...Crack fic. I hope you enjoy :)


**Just Another Night In Organization XIII**

**A Kingdom Hearts One-Shot by ChronicLegCramp-Since'99**

*Disclaimer: All characters and places belong to SquareEnix and Disney, respectively*

* * *

"Okay guys, listen up!" Axel put his thumb and finger in his mouth and produced an ear-splitting whistle. Only Saïx and Zexion had been paying attention and covered their ears beforehand, while the rest of the nobodies gathered groaned and/or sent the fiery redhead daggers. "All right, this is how it works: no one is allowed to speak- or think- in any way but in song lyrics. For twenty four hours," Axel raised his eyebrows and cast a smirk around the room from where he stood on a couch.

Xigbar nonchalantly took a swig from his beer. Lexaeus blinked. Zexion returned his gaze to his book. Saïx rolled his eyes. Demyx grinned widely, stroking his sitar. Luxord shuffled his deck. Marluxia continued filing his nails. Roxas looked troubled. And Xion had the same look on her face as Roxas.

"How do you suppose we are going to know whether someone is _thinking_ in lyrics?" Number VII finally questioned, breaking the silence and fixing his yellow eyes on Axel.

"Oh, uh…good point," the redhead murmured, scratching his head. "Anymore questions?" he asked eventually, ignoring his childhood friend's glare.

"What exactly is in it for me?" Luxord inquired, absently fiddling with the hoop in his ear.

"Well Luxord, I was just getting to that," the redhead replied, his enthusiasm doubling. "The winner gets to decide which of us has to buy Xemnas' Christmas present this year,"

"Hm, since I don't have any munny, I better not chance it…I'm in." Luxord decided, earning a grin from Axel.

"Well guys?" the redhead prompted, glancing at his best friends.

"Um, Axel? I don't know any songs…" Roxas said quietly, looking down at his feet.

"Me neither…" Xion added with a sullen expression. The redhead face palmed, shaking his head.

"What am I gonna do with you two?" he muttered inwardly. "I'll give ya my iPod tonight so you can memorise some lyrics, okay?"

"Thanks Axel!" Roxas smiled happily, before patting Number XIV on the back.

"Thank you, Axel," Xion said shyly, blushing at Roxas and looking away.

"What if you do not know the song that is being quoted?" Zexion asked then in his soft tones, not looking up from his book.

"Great question, Number VI, great question. Well…" Axel frowned, folding his arms loosely. "You see…so anyway, everybody got that? You can only speak in song lyrics as of midnight tonight,"

"Dude, that's like in twenty minutes…" Xigbar commented, straightening his eye patch and reaching for another beer.

"Shoot. Rox, Xion, let's go," Axel hollered, heading for the Grey Areas exit. "And it doesn't start until we're back," he added, pointing around the room.

"But what about Larxene and the others?" Marluxia said in his flowery voice.

"I notified everyone- if they ain't here then tough," Axel responded non-committal.

"Whoa, that's harsh man. Ain't that right, Lexae?" Demyx playfully nudged the nobody sitting next to him in the ribs; Number V closed his eyes. "Hey, Ax! Doesn't Lexae have an unfair advantage?" the redhead paused, turning to the mullet haired nobody.

"What advantage?" Axel asked, raising an eyebrow.

"The fact that Lexaeus never speaks," Saïx pointed out through gritted teeth.

"He doesn't speak…oh, but he thinks though. So I guess not," Axel said slowly, shrugging.

"Dude, use a portal- let's start this already!" Xigbar proclaimed, his speech slurring slightly.

"Sheesh! All right, all right, hold your fire," the redhead swiftly disappeared into the Realm of Darkness, with Roxas and Xion hot on his heels, running to keep up.

* * *

-1 Hour Later-

* * *

"Okay guys, let's do this!" Axel fist pumped as he strolled back into the room with his best friends.

"So are we like, starting now?" Xigbar clarified, now slumped in his chair with his foot resting on the coffee table.

"Starting…now!" Axel declared, throwing himself into a nearby chair.

"Wait, wait, wait- time out!" Demyx shouted, making a gesture with his hands. "Has anyone else thought that if no one speaks at all, this game would never end…?"

"You really haven't thought this through have you, Axel?" Marluxia smirked, twirling a strand of his pink, fluffy hair around his finger.

"…K.O. Marluxia and Demyx are OUT!" the redhead stated in his best commentators impression.

"Hey, wait a minute! Axel?! It's me, Demyx- your best buddy!" the pouty nobody whined, cradling his sitar closer in his arms. Axel just shook his head, looking pleased with himself.

"Honey, he ain't worth your time," Number XI placated him, walking over and rubbing his chest provocatively, while daring Axel to say anything with his mascara-lashed eyes. The redhead snorted, making a show of yawning.

"If you leave me now, you'll take away the biggest part of me~" Number IX sang, pleading with Axel with his big, round, innocent eyes.

"Gee Axel, maybe you should let-" Roxas clamped a hand over his mouth, eyes widening.

"Number XIII, Roxas has left the game!" the redhead boomed before giving the blond an apologetic smile. Roxas let out a sigh and smiled at Xion.

"I guess its down to you and Axel now, Xion," he said, pulling the earphone out of his ear; the other was still playing music into the black haired girl's ear.

"All I wanna say is that they don't really care about us…?" she replied looking sheepish.

"Huh?" Roxas looked confused momentarily, before remembering she couldn't talk normally and chuckled.

* * *

Over on the Drunk and Disorderly Sofa, Luxord and Xigbar appeared to be having a lyrical conversation, between the former sipping at his mug of tea and the latter gulping down his Heineken (?).

"You'll forget the sun in the jealous sky, as we walk in fields of gold~" Number X sang with his eyes closed, swaying a bit from side to side.

"And wouldn't it be nice to live together, in the kind of world where we belong~" Xigbar rasped, voice cracking.

"How can you make me fall apart, then break my fall with loving lies? It's so easy to break a heart; it's so easy to close your eyes~" Luxord wailed before launching into the chorus with, "This is the closest thing to crazy I have ever been~"

"Dude…that was like, amazing…" Xigbar praised, staring at the bleach blond nobody in awe and forgetting he was supposed to be speaking in song.

"Oh-! And Xigbar is out of the game!" Axel exclaimed. "Let's hear it for Number II!" he added, raising his hands and clapping.

"Wait, you just like, totally did that on purpose, didn't you?" the ponytailed man accused, turning on Luxord.

"Let me take you down, cos I'm going to Strawberry Fields…nothing is real and nothing to get hung about! Strawberry Fields forever~" the blond pushed Xigbar off the couch as he finished, the pirate-surfer trying and failing to get back up in his drunken state, before eventually giving up and staying there. Luxord laughed to himself and poured another cup of tea.

* * *

In the Boring Corner, neither Saïx nor Zexion had breathed a sound and the tension had gradually reached insufferable heights. The short nobody with the blue bangs covering half his face, quietly cleared his throat.

"I could stay awake just to hear you breathing…watch you smile while you are sleeping, while you're far away and dreaming~" his singing was in tune and faintly operatic; Number VII's eye twitched and he fought the urge to rub the X-scar between his eyes, but he decided to play along.

"I could spend my life in this sweet surrender…I could stay lost in this moment forever, where every moment spent with you, is a moment I treasure~" Saïx paused to glance sideways at Number VI who did the same, before they both sang together in a duet, "Don't wanna close my eyes…I don't wanna fall asleep, cause I'd miss you babe and I don't wanna miss a thing~" as they ended, Saïx stretched his arm upwards and closed both his fist and eyes in a typical boy-band move. A moment of silence descended upon the room, all the nobodies' attention on Saïx and Zexion. And then Axel erupted into hysterics, setting everyone else off as he clutched his sides and wiped tears from his eyes.

"And what is it that you find so amusing-?" the yellow eyed man demanded, already seething before he caught himself. The redhead's grin grew wider as he watched his childhood friend become still, a spasm starting in the corner of his mouth.

"Number. VII. Is. Out of the game!" the person in question lunged for the obnoxious redhead who spun away as Saïx began chasing him around the room with his Claymore(?) summoned.

"Get back here- I'm not done with you, _Lea_!" Saïx hissed as he bolted over a sofa and cornered him.

"Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!" the fiery man declared, excitement flickering in his eyes as he deliberately casually leant against the wall.

"Aha! There is no way those are lyrics," Number VII decided, gripping his weapon tighter with an almost smug expression on his face.

"Hell yeah they are!" Axel said, returning the smug look with relish. "Killing In The Name by Rage Against The Machine," the redhead crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows in challenge.

"Question!" Demyx said loudly right in Zexion's ear, who had silently moved to sit next to the mullet haired boy. And now regretted it. "How come you're not out when you've been talking this whole time?" Axel released a dramatic sigh.

"I'm the ref as well, Dem. I'm allowed to speak if explaining the rules, calling someone out or defending myself from an accusation of false lyrics- the last one you can all do too,"

"Oh, right…I get it now…" Demyx nodded, still looking lost.

"You're just cheating," Saïx said scathingly

"Leaning over you here, cold and catatonic, I catch a brief reflection…of what you could and might have been~" the redhead sang in a smooth, husky voice, toying with a strip of Number VII's hair to annoy him further; Saïx rolled his eyes and glared at him. "It's your right and your ability, to become…my perfect enemy~" the pastel-blue haired man shoved Number VIII away and portaled out of the room in a strop.

"So, who's still in?" Roxas wondered aloud, glancing curiously around the room.

"Axel, Zexion, Lexaeus, Luxord…and that's it," Marluxia counted on his fingers as his free hand played with Demyx's honey blond tufts.

"I'm still in-" Xion began to say with an unhappy frown and then realised her mistake.

"Not anymore- Xion's out!" Axel said, throwing his arm out randomly before ruffling the girls hair in reassurance.

"I'm sorry, Roxas, Axel," she murmured dejectedly, lowering her head.

"Don't worry about it, Xion. Axel's got it covered, right Ax?" the blond rubbed Number XIV's back as he looked up to catch the redheads nod and confident grin.

"You know, Axel, I have to agree with Dem-Dem here that Lexaeus has a really unfair advantage- he hasn't said a word!" Marluxia commented with a flick of his pink locks. Number V sighed heavily and closed his eyes before muttering, "Shake ya ass, but watch yourself, shake ya ass- show me what you working with~" stunning everyone in the room apart from Xigbar you was still in a drunken stupor on the floor.

"You've got the brawn, I've got the brains, let's make lots of money~" Luxord sang into the quiet, patting Lexaeus on the back. Demyx startled everybody then by jamming a chord incredibly loudly on his sitar. He did it again and started to play a few strings. Axel laughed nervously, scratching the back of his neck and then Lexaeus started singing along to the mullet haired nobody's music.

"We could've been anything that we wanted to be…and it's not too late to change~"

"Wait a moment, that's the wrong version- we're the _bad_ guys," Luxord interrupted, paused and then proceeded to throw down his mug of tea and stomp out of the room.

"One down, three to go," Axel informed, rubbing his hands together and looking between Lexaeus' blank expression and Zexion's default 'scheming' pose.

"Oh and I was just getting into that," Marluxia complained, sitting down on the sofa and draping himself over Demyx, who was completely oblivious.

"Into the fire…into the fire~" Axel sang as he watched the pink haired nobody's antics.

"And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad, the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had~" Zexion responded morosely, as he subconsciously leant against Demyx's shoulder, feeling tired.

"I like my sitar, I like my sitar, I play the sitar, sitar, wherever I go, oheyo~" Number IX sang as he rested his head on Number VI's, missing the huff that Marluxia let out before flouncing into a dark hallway, saying something about finding Larxene.

"Demyx, you don't have to sing, you are already out," Zexion mumbled, snuggling against the other nobody. Suddenly his eyes flew wide and he let out a drawn out groan. "Just kill me, somebody, anybody, please…" he slid to the ground and pounded it a couple times. Unbeknownst to everyone present- who just assumed that Number VI had lost it- the short nobody was really bad at buying gifts and found the whole enterprise of trudging through shop after shop, in desperate search for the correct kind of present, all a rather life-shaking, stressful experience. Needless to say, he sincerely hoped that whoever won the stupid game didn't pick him to buy Xemnas' stupid Christmas present. Demyx stroked the blue hair of the boy in obvious turmoil on the floor, as Axel and Lexaeus faced off against one another.

"Now that Zexion's out, its time…for the two-person shoot out!" Axel announced, pretending to hold a microphone to his lips. "This is what you've all been waiting for folks; myself and Number V will now initiate into a battle in which we will continuously send song lyrics back and forth until one of us falters!" the redhead winked at his best friends who cheered and laughed, albeit half-heartedly due to fatigue. Lexaeus blinked twice, shrugged and then started.

"With music by our side, to break the colour lines, let's work together, to improve our way of life~" the large nobodies voice was deep and resonating; Axel smirked, recognising the song instantly.

"Join voices in protest, to social injustice…a generation full of courage, come forth with me~"

Together they sang, "People of the world today, are we looking for a better way? We are apart of the rhythm nation~"

"They're pretty good," Roxas whispered to Xion, despite the face he had never heard the song before.

"Yes, but how are they gonna reach a winner, if they both know the lyrics- this could take hours!" Number XIV murmured back, seeming distressed at the idea; she was really exhausted with all the memories being absorbed into her hourly- not that anyone else knew about that…

"That's true," Roxas agreed, falling deep into thought. "I've got it! We'll get Xemnas to come here somehow, then they'll be forced to explain themselves and-"

"All right, let's go," Xion said, edging out of the room stealthily, pulling Roxas along behind her.

* * *

-1 Hour Later-

* * *

The two youngest nobodies had done the cowardly thing by sliding a note under the Superior's bedroom door, knocked and run. They hid round a corner and impatiently waited for Xemnas to read the note, growl in frustration, screw the paper up and head in the direction of the Grey Area, pouting as he went. Roxas and Xion trailed quietly behind him, leaving a wide birth between themselves and the Superior, concerned about what he would do to them once he reached Axel and Lexaeus, established that there was nothing especially out of the ordinary happening and stormed back to his room.

Finally they made it back and listened unseen from the corridor, holding their breath as they peeked into the room. Axel was in the middle of singing Not One of Us from the Lion King 2.

"I was lead to believe that a fight had broken out…" the Superior began, glancing at Number II unconscious on the floor, before turning back to the only awake nobodies in the room. "Well?" Xemnas waited, staring hard at Numbers V and VIII. A bead of sweat ran down Axel's temple as he chuckled uncomfortably; he wasn't going to be the first to talk- he wasn't going to lose! Lexaeus had the same look of determination on his face, his lips pressed in a thin line. The Superior continued to stare between the two nobodies for a moment, before his ochre eyes flashed with escalating irritation. He readied to direct his question.

_'Don't pick me, don't pick me, don't pick me!'_

"Axel," Xemnas intoned.

_'Goddamnit!'_

"What exactly is the problem?" the Superior asked in a grave, wary tone. The redhead squirmed, glancing about him frantically for a way of escape, but Xemnas was between him and the door and he couldn't just portal out when the Superior was talking to him… "Axel." The silver haired man repeated, voice barely concealing his pent up anger from being bothered at this time of night; Axel caved.

"Nothing at all, sir," Xemnas looked at Lexaeus who only blinked, but the redhead was sure a smile was threatening to turn up the corners of Number V's mouth.

"For Kingdom Hearts' sakes," Xemnas muttered, covering his eyes with his hand briefly, before straightening up. "Consider yourselves both on kitchen duty tomorrow." He told them before leaving the way he'd come. Roxas and Xion just about had time to portal away before Xemnas saw them. Hesitantly, they returned to the Grey Area.

"So, who won?" Roxas asked, glancing at Axel's stubborn pout and Lexaeus' not very subtle smirk. "Oh…" Xion and Roxas shared an uneasy look.

"Well, who do you pick?" Axel snapped, glaring at the big nobody.

"Relax. It's not you." Lexaeus told him evenly; the redhead perked up a little at that.

"Well? Come on, don't leave us hanging! Is it Saïx?"

"It's Luxord. He owes me 10, 000 munny…" Number V answered, folding his arms.

"Phew, that's lucky," Axel said, patting Lexaeus' shoulder awkwardly. "Nice choice, he owes me too,"

"I think he owes pretty much everyone munny…I bought him a potion and lunch the other day when Xaldin broke his arm," Xion said, stifling a yawn.

"That's because you felt guilty about telling Xaldin that Luxord was the one who ate his chocolate fudge cake…when it was you…" Roxas pointed out tactlessly.

"Shhh! Don't tell anyone!" Xion hushed him, looking flustered.

"Wow Xion, that was really low. I didn't know you had it in you," Axel smirked, as the girl rolled her eyes at him, looking shifty. "Man, I'm beat. Better call it a night," he added, opening a dark corridor and giving them an arm flail of a wave before retreating to his bedroom.

"Well, that was fun," Roxas said as he and Xion left the room.

"Yeah. I wonder what other crazy idea Axel will come up with next," Number XIV laughed, Roxas soon joining in.

Just another night in the Organization…

* * *

**_The songs I quoted from/mentioned:_**

**_If You Leave Me Now by Chicago_**

**_They Don't Care About Us by Michael Jackson_**

**_Fields of Gold by Sting _**

**_Wouldn't It Be Nice by The Beach Boys_**

**_Closest Thing To Crazy by Katie Melua_**

**_Strawberry Fields by The Beatles_**

**_Don't Wanna Miss a Thing by Aerosmith_**

**_Killing in the Name by Rage Against The Machine_**

**_Passive by A Perfect Circle_**

**_Shake Ya Ass by Mystikal _**

**_Opportunities by Pet Shop Boys_**

**_If You Give A Little Love from Bugsy Malone_**

**_Into The Fire by Dokken_**

**_Mad World by Gary Jules_**

**_I Like My Sitar by Dr. Bombay_**

**_Rhythm Nation by Janet Jackson_**

**_Not One of Us from The Lion King 2_**


End file.
